Do you always seem to focus on the negative in any situation, no matter how many positives other people tell you there are?
If your answer is YES, then I suspect you are regularly asking yourself questions like:
Questions are powerful ways to direct your focus.
However most of the time we are unaware of the questions we ask ourselves and therefore never experience the control we have over them, or the powerful affect they can have on our mind-sets and how we feel.
So firstly, it’s important to catch yourself when you ask yourself a question that is going to direct your attention to the negatives, or lead you down a path to beating yourself up.
Then, the next step is to replace that question with one that can help you to see things in a different way.
So, here are 2 of the most powerful questions that have helped me and my coaching clients to re-direct our attention and develop a more optimistic outlook about those unwanted things that can happen to us:
This question is great because it forces you to search for the positive. There will always be something good in any situation, you just have to look for it. I’m reminded of the Dumbledore quote from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban here:
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Here’s an example of how to use this question:
A client of mine who is ambitious, confident, and very capable, recently found herself being managed by a new Director who was clearly NOT a people person, or focused on developing her team. She was very narcissistic, always out for herself, very false, and extremely defensive whenever someone gave her feedback.
This made working for her really difficult, and any development or progression was non-existent. My client told me this situation was knocking her confidence and affecting the quality of life at work but also at home. After acknowledging the difficulty of her situation, I then asked – So what’s good about this situation?
Her answer was this – “well actually because my manager is pretty hands off, it means she leaves me to manage my own diary. So, my day is actually pretty much in my control, and if I need to leave early to pick up my son, I can do so and not feel guilty or watched.”
Now whilst this was only one good thing, among a whole load of other rubbish things, it did shift her mind-set and she began to feel more positive. This meant she was now able to re-focus and begin to figure out what she was going to do about her situation.
Written: Jul 26, 2018